’90 Day Fiance: Big Ed’s No Fool – He’ll Wrap His Tool on Before The 90 Days

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Big Ed Brown is off to the Philippines to meet his much younger dream girl Rose Marie. Ed’s got an arsenal of fun packed in his bags. Everything from popcorn to lingerie to condoms. On the other end of the extreme, we have Lisa Hamme, who just says “no” to safe sex in spite of warnings from friends.

Plus, Darcey Silva’s back to cry us a river. Yolanda Leaks tries to book a flight while catfish “Englishman” Williams squirms on the line. Let’s unwrap all the shady goodness of season 4 episode 2 Great Expectations. You can watch 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days Sundays on TLC.

Big Ed Brown’s Keeping Secrets on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Ed Brown may be small in size, but he’s got big plans. At the top of the list is flying to the Philippines to get with Rose. A 23-year-old single mom he met online. Ed is smitten. And has sent her upwards of five grand in gifts. Including a grill and luxe sheets to make his impending stay more comfortable. Ed Brown has 2 jobs. One as a photographer, the other as an interior designer.

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Ed Brown’s a little nervous about his trip. Rose’s sister sent him a text asking for money to save her business. And to keep it a secret from Rose. So, Ed Brown consults his lovely coworker Cara. Who looks a little like Rose. She tells him that where he is going is humid and may not even have plumbing. So much for the comfort of 1000 thread count sheets if you’re sweating to death and fending off flying cockroaches and malaria. She tells Ed to take a step back.

But Ed Brown’s in love and full steam ahead in his compression socks with a stash of condoms and candy. As he tells his buddy who stops by, “Don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.” Ed also admits he’d like to be snipped so he can’t make more babies. Remember, Ed Brown has a grown daughter and while he accepts Rose’s son Prince, he doesn’t want a baby. But he hasn’t told Rose this yet. Later, Ed Brown sends a video to daughter Tiffany who hasn’t been talking to him. But she calls him back and Ed Brown tears up. And now feels free to go on 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days.

Darcey’s Back Again — And Over Inflated

On 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Darcey Silva is back. She’s squeezed herself into a sausage casing wedding dress that’s at least 3 sizes too small. She is bursting like a can of booby biscuits. As if it’s not bad enough twin sister Stacey Silva rolls up in an even tighter dress with very unfortunate back cleavage.

The twins discuss their new line of bridal wear under the name of their long-defunct clothing line “House of 11”. In matching oversized glasses, the 90 Day Fiance duo soon move on from their designer delusions to their favorite topic. Foreign men who treat them like s*it. Even an 80’s style scrunchie can’t tame Darcey’s ever-growing and sadly matted extension mane. She could hide Big Ed in her hair and no one would ever know. Stacey reminds Darcey that she is still engaged. And that Darcey’s not.

Darcey talks to Before the 90 Days producers. She rehashes the Jesse Meester season. And also last season with Tom Brooks. She admits Tom is distant. And then cries. It seems the smarmy Brit who gifted her a house key didn’t call on her birthday. But, he texts that he wants to video chat later. When they do, he tells her how much fun he’s having. And that he would like to meet up with her in NYC. This causes a flashback to when Jesse traveled to New York just to break up. So, she says she won’t meet him. But 90 Day Fiance superfans know better.

Is Soja Usman Really Just an Auto Tune Scammer on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days

Lisa Hamme’s got her head in the clouds. She’s crossing continents to hook up with her Nigerian celebrity rapper Usman Umar, AKA Soja Boy. She’s got dreams of A-list life with paparazzi and red carpets. Lisa needs to be thinking further down the alphabet. But the proof is in the track he wrote, sang, and produced for her – creatively called “I Love You”. With a little help from auto-tune and an old Milli Vanilli riff or two.

On 90 Day Fiance, Lisa has drinks with her cool friends, Cathy and Rocky. They are concerned about her traveling alone. Cathy Googles the village where Soja lives and finds alarming crime statistics. Then, Rocky reminds her she could be a target since she’s American. Yet, Lisa waves it off as nonsense and says people get killed in New York City every day. Same difference. She also says if she dies after a week with her man, her life would be complete. Hmmm. Doesn’t she have a 15-year-old daughter?

The day finally arrives and Lisa is off to Nigeria on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. Her friends take her to the airport and warn her again about the perils of foreign travel. She’s unconcerned, rocking a tank top and shorts with a train combo. They offer condoms and a chance to back out. But Lisa is hell-bent on leaving. Plus, she says she’s been tested — so she’ll take the sausage without the casing, please. They warn that he could be a Yahoo boy. In other words, an internet scammer. But he wrote her a song, remember?

Avery Tells Her Family About Ash on Before The 90 Days

Avery Warner is headed to hot yoga while texting with her Aussie BF Ash Naeck. They fit in a quick Face Time. Then, she’s off to perfect her downward facing dog on the 90 Day Fiance spinoff. Because Avery’s been burned a few times, she worries Ash’s job as a relationship coach will lead him astray. We find that Ash is divorced and has an adorable 10-year-old son and an ex-wife named Cian. So, Avery’s excited to meet Taj and also the ex — since the kid might come to the states with his dad.

On 90 Day Fiance: Before the 90 Days, Avery heads to her parents’ house to tell them about her trip and her man. Even her grandmother is there. Then, Avery explains that she thinks Ash is her soulmate. Her parents, of course, worry for her. But, she says when you find love, you have to go for it. It does bother her that Ash seems to speak like he’s reading out loud from a paperback self-help book. But even Grandma agrees he’s cute. So, Avery will head to the land down under on 90 Day Fiance.

Yolanda Tries to Book A Ticket – But Williams Isn’t Sure Where He Lives

Yolanda is ready to book her flight to see mysterious Williams on 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days. She sits down with her daughter who is also making the trip. She browses flights on Cheap-O Air but even they ain’t cheap. But she wants to be with the chiseled dude in shades who calls and texts her every day. But, still no video — cause of that “broken” camera, remember? Her daughter rolls her eyes as Yolanda scrolls. She’s not sure which airport to fly into. There’s a catfish airport in Oklahoma – maybe she oughta try there…

They call Williams who sounds like he gargled nails (it’s that “British” accent). She wants to know which airport. He says London. So, Yolanda hangs up – problem solved. Then, the 90 Day Fiance love hopeful wonders why he said Manchester. Note on UK geography: London’s airport is Heathrow and Manchester’s four hours away with its own airfield.

A quick trace of this call would probably show it’s pinging from a flip phone under a bridge on the outskirts of Lagos. So, Yolanda texts and he replies with some airport in Manchester that doesn’t exist. Oh, Yolanda. Did you really think that guy in the pictures is this toad you’re talking to? This is going to end badly but at least she didn’t buy the ticket (yet).

New episodes of Before The 90 Days are every Sunday only on TLC.